Sunday, February 14, 2010

"You're so beautiful"

You don’t want to think about him anymore. It’s done. You had almost convinced yourself that he was ‘the one’. Or like your Italian friends say, “super-special”. Even they bought into it. How annoying. Well, the yoga books have taught you to let go when the moment is done, and the moment is done. You don’t want him. Everyone is trying to tell you that these new emotions you’ve been having are good. But he’s so normal, people. No edge at all. He’s nice, but nice doesn’t inspire you. No, now you dislike anything that reminds you of him. You really hope that these associations won’t last. And lately he’s been on his best behavior. Drawing you in, slow drug style, into a comfortable routine. You know he’s just waiting until he’s bled you dry of all your fabulous ‘color’ to start pulling away, and watch you scream. “You’ve become boring now”, his eyes will say. He’ll be laughing when he shouldn’t be. You’ll ask why. He’ll say, “It’s nothing”. And it’ll be too late for resurrection because even you will have forgotten the glory of who you used to be. You’ll be in pain, and he’ll be doing all these nice little gestures out of pity before he goes out drinking with his friends. You’ll be destroyed. You will cry watching infomercials. You will fight his spirit with no sword by your side. You will start to hate him. Then you will hate yourself. Then you will hate the world and then you’ll hate him again. You won’t get out of bed before 2pm anymore. His phone calls will start to taper off, but you will still see his status updates and he will sound happy. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. You’re not gonna let that happen. You’re pulling the plug. Oh great. He’s calling now. There is acid in your mouth already and you have the pain of venom in the pit of your stomach. The phone keeps ringing. You finally just pick it up. It’s been a long day and you hear him say hello. Hello. The sound of his voice. Shit. It soothes you. There is a silence. A comfortable silence. It is the kind of silence that you only get when you love someone and you are just finally realizing it. He tells you he’s been thinking about you. You get a lump in your throat. You tell him that you’ve been thinking about him too.

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